I received a great review from one of the readers on Zoetrope, revising my faith in the online writing site. She didn’t say it was a great story. She said it was a good start but it needs a lot of work. She did write specific places where I needed to work on the story which is really what I wanted to get as far as feedback goes. So based on some of her criticism here is the new opening sentence to my story, The Rules of the Game:
When I was eight most of my childhood emotions had been stored away into tiny Tupperware containers and then stored in a basement in my belly, and in dark shelving behind my ribcage. I’d keep these feelings locked away until they started wanting to live and breath on their own, but it would be a long time before that, for now it was just quick recordings and storage. It wasn’t often that I would formulate a feeling, attach a name to it then reflect on it again. If I did it was lost somewhere in my body, but the day I stood in the kitchen as my mother was preparing pork chops for dinner, and I told her that I had to come home early because Gary got in trouble, I had made a decision, one of a few decisions that I had come up with on my own, and the emotion, the feeling, didn’t get stored away, but sat in my belly like a bad meal, gurgling and pinching my gut making me nauseous. I decided I wasn’t going to tell her why he got in trouble, what it was that he did that made his mom hit him.
In other news, I got my rejection e-mail from Caketrain.
Thank you for the opportunity to read your submission. After careful consideration, we have concluded that we are unable to publish your work at this time. The opportunity to assess the unpublished creations of writers from around the world is a great privilege and responsibility, and with that in mind, we want you to know how honored we are that you have trusted us to consider your work. We invite your further submission and correspondence and remain grateful for your continued support of the ongoing Caketrain project.
Of course it is a bummer to not get published,but I don’t think the story was good enough anyway. I think it is good that I attempt to be published even if they are not of the best quality yet because I just want to at least go through the motions of a least trying to get published. In fact, maybe I will feel like I really deserve it once I finally do get published. They only downside in the rejection is that they don’t tell you what you need to work on. I don’t expect it, there are so many submissions no one has time to give the writer feedback. I’m glad to be able to work on the story again and revise it and send it out.